Thursday, February 26, 2009

You make me sick.

Every last one of you.

Open your goddamn minds.

This place isn't somewhere for you to stomp around.. atleast I don't think that's what was intended..
Live, laugh, love.. thats what you preach, isn't it?

Stop bitching and complaining about every little goddamn thing in your path, please.
Look at the big picture, that mural hanging above your head..
your neighbor's issues aren't painted there.. thats your life.

Why base every move you make off of other's actions?
Why wait and plan your life until you make sure it will work with others'?

Thats not how this world will recover, thats not how things are going to get better.
This place is so cold. It's depressing and everybody hates eachother.

When are you going to start living?
When are you going to start caring?
When are you going to stop molding into everyone else?

You can change.
I promise, it doesn't hurt.

(Please excuse the profanity, I sware it's merely to get my point across.)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Puzzle box.

You are a mystery;
You are a rubix cube;
You are a locked box;
a letter, sealed; adressed to you..

Let me in, come on out, open up!

I'm dying to crack the code.
I want to hear your secrets.
I'd like to match up the colors and unlock your brain.

Let me in, come on out, open up!

I want to know all your pleasures and kill all your pain.
Come on out, we'll drive for days.
That road ahead is vast and great.

Let me in, come on out, open up!

I'll give you the pen, you can narrate.
Write down every move we make.
Please let me in, just come on out.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I found a picture of us today..

I wish you would've been around long enough to tell me about the things you've done,
the places you've been and the people you have encountered.
I know I could've learned from you.. and I wish I could remember your smell, your hugs, and your voice.
I wish that you could be a memory to me so I could tell people about how much love you had for me.

In this picture I have been staring at you look like you loved me so much.
Your hands are so big and broad and gentle all at once.
And I don't seem to mind being in them one bit.

I hope you're happy wherever you may be.
Whether you're in some sort of heaven or leaning over my shoulder reading this,
just know that I love you and GG; and thank you for being so good to my mom.

The sun vs. the moon

She is your sun, and I am your moon.
She will forever shine but I am hidden in the night.
Its obvious you cant live without your solar power.
Don't let this eclipse get in your way or fool you,
though you are all I want don't let me block your view of the sun.
Don't let me hide what you want, don't let me hide what you love.
I knew this was too good to be true. Don't make me tell you twice,
leave me up here in this sky tonight. I can survive, I will.
Its a familiar pain. I need you so, but your smile is necessary.

Go on, get your energy.

Tha wall has won.

Everything that's jumbled up around me, is starting to fade into one another.
I couldn't begin to tell you when things started running backwards and inverse.
I couldn't even recall the reason or an explanation for this change in pace.
A big brick wall is the only thing I can comprehend, for I built it myself.
Deciding that it was what would keep me balanced and somewhat rational,
I can concentrate on things that won't make me lost and incoherent.
A mix of the past and memories lie behind this wall I cannot break.
I've built it too strong and too thick due to fear and insecurities.
Theres just a rope, and it seems to be made of something hazardous.

Monday, February 23, 2009

The straight line to love.

Your words linger in the air as I return from watching the car pull away.
I lay on the floor, as your sentences settle into the carpet.
If only every hour you spent staring into my eyes was captured
in a photograph, I could then pretend that time is tangible.
All it is, is a straight line. A series of events, a past, a present, and you.
You're all I'm hoping for in the road that lies ahead of me.

It's only you.

Soaring mindsets.

you know how they tell you that if you have the mindset for something, that it will all be okay?
how they say that if you believe something will work out, that it will? what if it doesn’t?

i’m trying so hard to say that everything is going to happen the way i want it to.
but i don’t know if i really do. i’m afraid to, i think. maybe what everyone says is true..
maybe you just really really have to truely believe it. i’m just scared that if i do..
i’m going to be let down.

and i really don’t know if i can handle that right now.

Procrastinating ruins.

it was bad choice of words or means, or timing,
or luck used up on something less important.

this time its all i need, something i’ve never had
wont even begin to compare too what could be.

procrastinating takes its toll finally, i knew it would catch up,
all that i could’ve had is what im waiting for you to see.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Down falls out

I think there comes a point in everyone's life when you just lose everything.

anything and anyone that is of any importance to you just dissapears.
they leave you behind with nothing to hold onto.

this is the point where you feel completely helpless.
like nothing you do will make a difference, and nothing is worth an effort.
hope isn't even an option. and it isn't anywhere in sight anyway.

this is the most important time in your life.

you need to find any strength left in your body and just keep going.
keep pushing through.
just sitting there is selfish.

if you don't think anything you do is worth it,
do something that will be.

help someone.

i've been through this several times.
its true. i had nothing to pull me through.

but i found strength within the last thing i had left,
my mother.
she pulled me through with her incredible strength and courage,
she didn't even notice.

but i held on.
through everything.
and i'm glad i did.

i couldn't ask for anything more in my life right now.
there is no room for anything else.
there is no room for anyone else.

you make me so happy.
all of you.

The only decision I can make

when you get in a pool,
indecisive people sit on the edge
and test the water before they decide
to jump in or to sit out, or to wade in slowly.

im like the girl in superstar, i just jump.
i think thats my problem.
i always just jump into things.

it doesn't benefit me much,
considering that when i jump,
the water is all i can focus on.

i really just want someone to jump with.
i want to be their focus along with the water.

and i want to make the biggest splash ever.

Conscience wins

there's no where, anywhere that
i would feel right without you.
its not a matter of anything but heart,
and heart isnt even the truth.
its all in my head, in my mind.
conscience says i need you, well i do.
nothing is okay without you.
does this mean i need you or love you?
is it normal to feel this way?
is it okay to ask if you feel the same?
i need to know before i take this too far.
tell me that you need me too.

I hate to waste.

I'm not sure what to do or where to put these feelings,
theyre just sitting inside of me, I dont want them to rust.
I don't know if they are useless, or if they might be worthwile.
When they arrived quite some time ago they were thrown,
They were thrown so hard, they were broken, twice.
If I dont let them out they won't be broken, just wasted.
I just want to know what to do or where to put these feelings.
Will you put them somewhere safe this time around?

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Last two leaves fall

I gaze out into the wind and harsh weather,
anticipating the moment of your arrival.
I've done nothing more and nothing less
since you caved in and walked away.
Inside this place, I gave you warmth and shelter.
I never asked for nor recieved anything in return.
Motions or hints of care would've been helpful.
But no signs of repayment are in my future.
The anticipation would have weakened me,
but i stopped waiting shortly after
our adventure into this dark season.


When you see, do you see like me,
Or is your vision adjusted to decieve?

When you look, can you find whats wrong,
Or are your eyes focused to ignore it all?

When you listen, do you hear the truth,
Or were you taught to believe the lies?

When you breathe, is it easy to exhale,
Or do the millions who starve make you struggle?

When you sleep, do your eyes rest peacefully,
Or do those fighting for our country keep them open?

When you care, love, and cherish,
do you do it all with your whole heart?

Or do you miss out because you take everything for granted?

Pain Tolerance

Am I immune?

Have I pushed so much away,
that I've built an invisible forcefield?

Am I immune?

Did I take to much to help numb the pain,
that I killed all the nerves I had left?
Did I hide from everything so long,
that even emotions cant find me now?

Am I immune?

Have I been hurt so much,
that i dont even recognize the pressure anymore?

I am not immune.
I am mortal.

I have chosen to push away
I have chosen to resist, to numb, to hide and to ignore.

Everything I put aside should be dealt with.
They tell me to cry and grieve and understand.
I understand reality, and I understand that I cannot,
under any circumstance show my burdens,
merely because it has a negative effect on optimism.

Complaints and tears do not solve or cure.
Only determination will.

Change today.. you can.

Speak - Act - Tolerate - Live